Sunday, March 29, 2015

Cînd vom fi bătrîni

Cînd vom fi bătrîni vom fi tineri.
Vom fi tineri ţinîndu-ne de mînă 
pentru că strîngerea noastră de mînă va fi la fel...
la fel de caldă, la fel de ocrotitoare..şi peste o mie de ani.

Cînd vom fi bătrîni vom fi tineri.
Vom fi tineri privindu-ne unul pe altul
pentru că privirea noastră va fi la fel...
la fel de întrebătoare, căutătoare de dragoste...

Cînd vom fi bătrîni vom fi tineri.
Vom fi tineri pentru că iubirea nu îmbătrîneşte
Dacă nu moare..
desigur, dacă nu moare...

cam asta văd eu cînd ascult această violă, cam aşa se verbalizează aceste sunete în sufletul meu...

Noapte bună.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

mici dorinţe mari

În una din zilele acestei săptămîni, în timpul unei întruniri de serviciu în care discutam despre "Telepresence" şi tehnologii asemănătoare care ar înlocui întrunirile pe viu, m-am prins că mi se făcuse dor de mama. Dar nu un dor de ăsta general, care se poate mulţumi cu un sunet de telefon sau o convorbire pe un dor foarte minuţios specificat. 

Voiam să merg cu mama la magazin să cumpărăm telefon. Mama mea are telefon, iPhone 6 şi ca atare nu ar avea nevoie. Dar eu totuşi aşa îmi vedeam împlinit dorul. Să mergem la magazin, pe îndelete, cu răbdare (care mie deseori îmi lipseşte cu mama), să îi pot răspunde la toate întrebările despre aplicaţii care prin simplitatea lor mă obosesc de obicei, să îi pun facebook-ul la telefon ca să poată vedea ce fac şi atunci cînd merge la magazin sau la cules urzici, să îi pun Skype-ul, dar nu versiunea cea mai nouă, ci pe cea anterioară cu care s-a obişnuit şi pe care, căutînd-o, m-am enervat. Să alegem şi husă, încercînd cîteva sau cîteva contează, nu contează cîte, nu contează ce aplicaţii, ce telefon, cîte întrebări...contează că este timp...că încă mai este timp.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

"Never let me go" by Kazuo Ishiguro

This is the second sci-fi book I have ever read in my entire life. The first one was suggested by Natan. The second one followed naturally after meeting Kazuo Ishiguro. Kazuo does not like dissecting writing into genres, but this is how the critics labeled his book "Never let me go" (also a movie starring Keira Neightley). It is not pure science is a book about clones and how they are treated by society, what they feel, how they grow up, make friends, fall in is about humanity and humanness.


Sunday, March 22, 2015

David and Goliath

David and Goliath is a biblical story from the Old Testament. It is a popular story and I expect most of you know about it, so I do not intend to recount it to you but rather look at it from a different angle.

To refresh your memory: the story dates back to the 11th century BC when the Philistines settled along the Palestine coast, threatening Israelite tribes who lived inland in the mountains. The Philistines sent their armies inland to a city called Socoh, into the Valley of Elah. They were battle-tested and very dangerous people. Alarmed, the king of Israelite s, called Saul, gathered his men and hastened down the mountains to take position in the same valley.

The Philistines camped across the southern ridge of the valley and the Israelite s pitched their tents on the northern ridge, both armies looking at each across the ravine. Nobody dared to move because descending into the valley was a suicidal move. Finally, tired of waiting "a champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall (2.74m). He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels (56 kg); on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels (7 kg). His shield bearer went ahead of him.(17:4-7)"

Long story short he was massive and very well armored. He stepped out of the crowd and shouted out: "Choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us." (17:8b-9)" . In other words Goliath was inviting the enemy to confront him in a single combat which was common practice in the ancient world to avoid bloodshed in an open battle.

The Israelites were frightened to death. There was no one among their men as big and as strong to put up with Goliath. For 40 days would Goliath challenge Israelites to find a brave man and fight him...

Until one day when a young shepherd, a blond teenager came up the Valley of Elah to bring some food to his brothers in the Israelite army. He heard the challenge and wanted to fight the giant. His name was David. King Saul obviously realized how ridiculously lethal it was for a young boy to fight a monster. But he did not have much choice, nobody else volunteered. Besides, this fellow claimed he killed bears and lions with his bear hands protecting his sheep.

King Saul tries to give him his own sword and armor but David refused: "I cannot walk in these." Instead he reached down and picked 5 small stones, put them in his bag and descends into the valley. Goliath looks at the boy and feels insulted. He was expecting a seasoned warrior to come and fight him, instead he sees a child with a stick.

 "Am I a dog", Goliath says, "that you should come to me with sticks?". "Come here", he says to David, "and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field."

David puts one of his stones into the leather pouch of the sling and fires it at the exposed forehead of Goliath. Goliath falls. David runs to him, takes his sword and decapitates him. The philistine army fled.

The battle is won miraculously by a boy who defeated a giant against all odds.David glorified God and history glorified David in paintings, poems and sculptures. Below is one of the most famous pieces of art to represent David by Michelangelo.

  For years I believed this victory to be a miracle. But is it?

"Ancient armies had three kinds of warriors. The first was cavalry - armed men on horseback and chariots. The second was infantry - food soldiers wearing armor and carrying swords and shields. The third were projectile warriors, or what today would be called artillery: archers, and most important, slingers. Slingers had a leather pouch attached on two sides by a long strand of rope. They would put a rock or a lead ball into the pouch, swing it around in increasingly wider and faster circles, and then release one end of the rope, hurling the rock forward, [Malcolm Gladwel]

The historian Baruch Halpern explains that these 3 kinds of warriors balanced each other like the game rock, paper, scissors. Infantry could stand up to cavalry with their long spears. Cavalry could, in turn, defeat projectile army because the horses moved to quickly for the slingers  and archers to aim and projectile warriors were deadly against infantry an infantry soldier weighed down with armor was like a sitting duck for someone who can sling from hundred of meters away.

Goliath was heavy infantry. David was a projectile warrior. Eitan Hirsch, a ballistics expert with the Israeli Defense Forces, did a series of calculations and concluded that a typical size stone hurled by an expert slinger at a distance of 35 m would have hit Goliath's head with a velocity of 34 m/s - more than enough to penetrate the skull and kill him.

"Am I a dog to you that you should come to me with sticks?" Sticks...David had only one stick, in fact. Also, remember Goliath was telling David: "Come here..." He wanted to see David to come closer because he was not able to see him well. And you also remember Goliath was a 2.74 tall giant. Medical experts believe Goliath suffered from a medical condition called acromegaly (giantism) - an overproduction of growth hormone.

This would explain his massive size and his double vision problems that are a side effect of this disease - perhaps this is the reason why he said "sticks". But we will never know..

Why am I telling you this?

There will always be intimidating giants that will seem powerful and mighty from afar, there will be situations in our lives, battles that we think we will lose and it is not worth fighting and some of them are truly not worth fighting...but do not let the appearances to fool you. Sometime it takes a bit less than a leap of faith to defeat a giant and you do not have to be one in order to be victorious.

inspired by a beautiful read "David and Goliath" by Malcolm Gladwel.

Friday, March 20, 2015


Eu, de obicei, nu ascult aşa muzică, dar obiceiurile se mai schimbă.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A dream coming true

I have bought hundreds of airplane tickets throughout my life. Never before (at least not to my recollection) did my hand tremble with so much happiness. I had  a dream since I was a child. The only dream that remained hanging in my heart unfulfilled. I fueled it with music and songs, and movies and above all my childlike imagination…

Years earlier, I couldn't afford this dream…it was too far away and too expensive for a child. I waited for 29 years for it to come true. I think I could have waited a bit less, but there was a voice in me, still lingering now sometimes, that whispered…”Don’t do it…If you make this dream come true, you will have no more dreams. What will you dream about? You can keep it vivid in your mind, you can play and replay your dream in your heart….it is beautiful there, it is just perfect because you can imagine whatever you want. Reality could be different, you know?” 

And I waited…I thought aimlessly, but actually I waited for my heart to find another dream…so that I don’t feel empty and dreamless. I waited for another 5 years…which adds up to 29. Today I have another dream…I cannot compare them, you cannot compare the dream of a child to a dream of a grown up woman…but they are both wonderful and they both would make me happy. So, whilst I’m waiting for the right time for my second dream…I can enjoy my childhood imagination go live!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Bus stop

There are a couple of days since I'm visited by a thought...if I were to choose one and only one soundtrack - what would it be? What soundtrack would represent my life, my thoughts, my spirit? And after a couple of days worth of thinking I concluded there is no such thing like one soundtrack comprising all of me because I'm made of many songs...some of them: very sad and thoughtful, some of them are hopeful and joyful, some of them are mystic, some of them are rather straight, some of them portray the innocence of a child, whilst others get the hell out of me...

I lived too long to fit into one song...and I felt too much to contain it in one scale only.

But, there is a song, a sound track, by Hans Zimmer (ignore Adam's Sandler picture - it made me discount the song) that has a bit of everything and I guess, a bit of everyone, because...

well, listen.

Listen to the first 30 seconds - so joyful and careless...they reminded me of my childhood, of a sunny summer day at my grandparents when I was walking the ducklings...

The next 30 seconds are my favorite part of this song....I feel anticipation when I listen to this 30 seconds. You know that feeling when you have not seen somebody very dear for a long time and you know that you would see that person in 1 month and then 1 week... 1 day, 1 hour...and "cvintele" (I do not know the word in English, but it is basically the interval between 2 musical notes equal to 5) can express that feeling, that anticipated pleasure and fear and excitement so truthfully it gives me goose bumps.

And then the song gets more serious, as serious as life. More reflective, deeper, difficult decisions are lurking in the path...

Enough of what I feel: give it a go and see for yourself if you feel the same or maybe nothing at all...

Sunday, March 15, 2015

My 29

March 9th, 2015 - 3 am in the morning. Somebody's knocking on the door.

Half asleep I am squinting at my watch to make the time out. The bangs on the door are getting only more insistent. I live on the first floor, my window is facing the street. I do have friends who used to surprise me on my birthday at ridiculous times in the past, so I make mind that the party is going to start early today. I peer through the curtains trying to discern the person in the dark. I can see he is wearing a uniform which seems real...


Very funny, I think to myself. But seriously, shouting in the middle of the night, might get me in trouble with my landlady. The voice does not seem to be familiar, but I failed to recognize voices in the past as well...I open the window and stick my head out:

 - You are too early, officer. My birthday party starts later.
 - I am sorry for the early hour, miss. There was a burglary next door. Have you heard anything?

I'm confused but I'm not determined to feel embarrassed as of yet. He must be bluffing. I went to bed a couple of hours ago and I usually hear the foxes...not that thieves make exactly the same sounds...but I would have heard something, anything...

- So... you are real, officer? I sound disappointed...I mean: are you a real officer? I restate my question.
- I'm quite real, miss, last time I checked. So, have you heard anything?

I am disappointed and the early hour definitely does not help so I insist:
- So you have no presents for me? (Crap, did I really say this? What if he's a real officer?)
- No, miss. I have no presents for you. But the thief who robbed the place next door just got himself an Aston Martin and 4x4 Mercedes plus the insides of the house. Since, you share the same wall with your neighbors, I thought you must have heard anything, have you?

He IS a real officer  - it dawned on me.

- I'm sorry officer, unfortunately I have not heard anything. I'm sorry for acting so silly, I thought you were pretending to be a real see it is my birthday today, anyways, I'm sorry. I couldn't help more.
- Is anyone else in the house?
- Not at the moment.
- Can you check if your house is ok?

Well, it seems burglaries are a usual business in this rich neighborhood. I wrote the beginning of a story some time back called "Chesterfield road", it was along the same lines, but a bit more frightening. Anyways, this is how my 29 started. It definitely got only better...:)

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Fusta sătulă de somn...

Azi, care deja e mîine, am trăit o zi plină. Am simţit cum bate inima oamenilor scumpi din viaţa mea, am simţit dragostea lor şi am sufletul plin de recunoştinţă şi emoţie care mă ţine încă înlănţuită de voi cu gîndul.

Dar înainte să exprim emoţia zilei de azi, involuntar, mergînd la serviciu azi dimineaţă, mi-am amintit de evenimentele care s-au întîmplat cu exact un an în urmă.

Eram în Paris, înrolată pentru o lună într-un program executiv prestigios care plătea bine şi oferea perspective profesionale enorme. Această lună e o simulare pentru a oferi participanţilor o imagine despre ceea ce îi aşteaptă în următorii doi dacă acceptă contractul. Cei care acceptă contractul şi renunţă ulterior, sunt invitaţi să părăsească compania. Deci e o decizie care trebuieşte măsurată bine, şi pentru asta se oferă o lună de experiment. E un program istovitor, un program de audit, uneori, de cele mai multe ori, inuman. Cel puţin aşa a fost acea lună.

Trăiam într-un hotel în Paris. Auditul avea loc în afara Parisului, şi timp de o lună luam trenul de la gara Montparnasse la ora 7 dimineaţa. Asta însemna că mă trezeam la 5.30 în fiecare dimineaţă. Nu voi descrie aici stresul de la serviciu, acea senzaţie cînd eşti sub microscop în fiecare clipă, cînd fiecare cuvînt ţi-e măsurat cu metrul, cînd uneori trecea ziua şi eu uitam că se mănîncă la amiază. Partea cea mai complicată era totuşi cu somnul. Precum se lucra uneori pînă la 1 sau 2 de noapte, nu acumulam mai mult de 4-5 ore de somn, de obicei. Şi peste o săptămînă de zile cînd somnul se împuţinează cu regularitate, organismul meu a început să se răscoale. Migrene, dureri de spate, alergii despre care nu am ştiut vreodată mi-au pătat chipul...arătam rău (am o poză la mine pe desktop care să îmi amintească de ce sunt acum unde sunt), dar mai rău decît arătam cred că gîndeam. De fapt, nu mai gîndeam.

De ziua mea care s-a nimerit a fi în weekend anul trecut, noi desigur lucram. M-am trezit ca un zombie, obişnuită deja cu durerea somnului neîmplinit, şi am coborît în holul hotelului unde mă aşteptă colega mea. Ea era un "pilot" ca şi mine, aşa ne numeau.

Era rece în acea dimineaţa. 9 Martie 2014. Ţin minte frigul din acea zi. Venea de la glezne în jos şi se ridică pînă la coapse pe sub parka mea galbenă.

La un moment dat mi-am dat seama ce s-a întîmplat şi de ce frigul mă deranja atît de mult. M-am oprit în loc ca un om care a uitat ceva acasă. Şi îngrozită de mine însămi, m-am achipuit pe sub haină.

- I forgot my skirt! I'm not wearing my skirt!

Sara nu a înţeles. Pînă s-a dumerit ea, eu am deschis fermoarul scurtei şi am verificat şi cu ochii ceea ce mi-ai spus mîinile.

Sara a înţeles. Eu a trebuit să mă întorc la hotel dupa fusta care îşi împlinise somnul şi mă aştepta pe scaunul din lemn, Mi se făcuse milă şi silă de mine, toate la un loc. Am luat telefonul şi am sunat unui om scump din viaţa mea să mă felicite cu ziua de naştere. Nu am menţionat nimic despre fustă...


Oh, cam mult am scris şi e trecut de miezul nopţii. Vă scriu mîine despre cum am petrecut ziua mea de naştere anul ăsta..

Monday, March 9, 2015

9 Martie

Azi e ziua mea. 

Dacă timpul, în toată eternitatea sa ar fi o cărare, şi am putea-o privi netăgăduitor, ziua mea nu ar exista. Nu ar fi nici cît un bob de nisip pe care să-l pot identifica drept ziua mea în lumina zilei. Dacă ar fi, l-aş culege în palme, l-aş privi de aproape, de la înălţimea a 29 de ani, şi cred că aş realiza repejor că firul meu e fir dintr-un drum, dintr-o cărare împresurată cu multe alte fire de nisip, de zile, fiecare un om, care astăzi dau sens vieţii mele, şi l-aş culca înapoi în albia sa.

Vreau să urez tuturor oamenilor din viaţa mea...
Celor care au ocrotit acest bob de nisip din prima sa zi, părinţilor mei.

Celor care au venit mai tîrziu în drumul meu umplîndu-l de joc şi inimă, prietenilor mei.

Celor care au trecut prin viaţa mea, lăsînd lecţii de viaţă, clipe calde, amintiri scumpe...tuturor oamenilor buni.

La mulţi ani vouă, să îmi trăiţi mult, să fiţi alături de mine, să dăm sens acestei vieţi împreună.

Saturday, March 7, 2015